We were on the last day of holiday break of almost 2 weeks off, and school was tomorrow. My daughter and I had talked about her saving everything until the last day and she said, "I need the pressure." She has a very bad case of senior- itis... college next year. It works for some people, though not for me. I like to get things done ahead of time. That time crunch does just that to me- CRUNCH! So, I went with her plan and was cool (fake cool- you know that parent kind of cool when you are really faking it), until that last day when she asked if her friend could come over and they would study together.
"No, you haven't gotten any work done all vacation. You need to just work." was my immediate reply. It was almost like I was waiting for that.
She did the heavy footed huff and stormed out of the room. You know what I mean by that... the eye roll, thumping feet and probably mouthing some very undesirable things about me as she departed the room. And then some breeze of wisdom blew in and I said, "Wait! I am sorry. You are right."
She turned, floated back with light feet, eyes wide open and here is the key- her ears were wide open too! I had the chance to say all those boring parent things that need to be said. It went something like this, "You know you have to keep your grades up this year. You have done a great job at it all year. In 6 months, when you are at college, you will have to make all these decisions without me making them for you. You will have all these temptations and distractions next year and you will have to decide. So, what makes the most sense for you today? What serves you the best?"
She then opened up and initiated a discussion about the pros and cons AND reviewed all she had to do outloud. She designed her day. She took the responsibility. This was a win-win for both of us.
Bits of wisdom here and there help, I hope. We can find our way together. That worked for this situation. Take each as it comes and look at the principles behind your rules and thought process. As your child gets older, rules need to make sense for each situation.
Sending my best,
Anne
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Anne...I really liked this post. I think sometimes, we parents get stuck on being right or trying to prove a point when really we just need to communicate with them. Sometimes, listening and understanding each other comes when we let ourselves be a little vulnerable and say "I'm sorry, you're right".
As always, thanks for helping me to be a better parent and a better person. Love you.
Posted by: Chrisann Merrick | January 13, 2009 at 06:00 PM