Let's face it... this parenting teen and young adult gig has lots of wonderful and lots of uncomfortable. Whenever I begin to talk about the challenges of parenting teens, some people think it is negative talk. There is a difference between negative talk and reality. No matter how I look at it, this letting go thing is hard. And letting go is happening, and there are parts of it that I love! That wonderful parent paradox shows it's head again- loving it and hating it...
Usually the feelings that really bother me, make me struggle as a parent and get me going, is a fear of some sort... fear of death, failure, the wrong crowd, the wrong place at the wrong time, WHATEVER! I know that when I parent from that constricted, fearful place that I do not react, plan, decide or interact in the best way. I have an expression,
"What's your fear?... Can't parent from there!"
The best thing for us parents of teens to do is ACKNOWLEDGE that emotion of fear. Say it out loud and get it out of your body and mind... After acknowledging the fear then say what you know to be true.
- "I am afraid she will have an accident driving at night and I know she has practiced and is a good driver."
- I am afraid she will get lost driving to a new place and she has been there before and she has a cell phone."
- I am afraid that this trip is too long and goes into areas that I feel are unsafe. I know it will make her very mad when I say No but I think this is beyond her driving skills at this point."
Acknowledging the emotion is like giving it air to breathe and it can then stop struggling and gasping to be heard. Then ground yourself in what you know rationally to be true. This is how we can tie in emotions with rational thoughts and walk away more wise...
How does that sound to you? Are you willing to try this? When I coach parents of teens I ask that they try this one time a day and really say it all out loud!
My best to all you parents of teens in the struggle who keep on trying! Do you know any parents of teens not struggling with these issues? Then they have not begun to let go!
Sending my best to you!
Anne
PS Ackowledgement is the 3rd step in the G.R.A.C.E.process that I developed for parents of teens and you can buy the book here now!
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