Drive Through Parenting Wisdom

Gratitude and Summer Vacation... The First Step of GRACE...

                                                                                                                 

    

If you are old enough to be a parent of a teen then you will know this song and can sing along....

{Sing each letter individually in first word...}

VACATION... in the summer time

And for those too young to sing along... Oh, well...

We just got back from a week away on my favorite place... Martha's Vineyard.  And G is for GRATITUDE and I do feel grateful.  Believe me , we had our ups and downs and generally a great week. 

My family and friends think that I was on vacation with them.  But let me tell you a secret...  I was really there with Harry Potter.  I could not have been any happier to begin a week away with J.K. Rowling's book, Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows released the day before I left.  700 pages of bliss... AND I finished it AND I am not telling the end though it was on the Internet just hours after the release.  Boy was it fun.  I never had a dull moment and I had plenty of time to play with the real people with me on my trip also!

This is what I am taking away from my week away which went way too fast:

• It is worth it to figure out how to have fun with your kids no matter what their age, your age or what the challenges are you are all facing.
• Adventure is the great equalizer... Go do something where it is new to everyone and you are all experimenting and learning.
• Including friends of your teens on the adventure may be the best way to actually enjoy your kids {and may be the ONLY way that they will even go on the adventure with you- with a good attitude}.
• I cannot continue to have ice cream every day and maintain this svelte figure {that was a joke} no matter how much I swim, bike, kayak and move...
• It is so worth it to take the time to rejuvenate.  That means stop and do whatever fills you up again!

The first step of GRACE is just asking...  What am I grateful for?

The next step that I am asking you is... How do you get more of that? 

Vacation is only one way.  The secret is finding it in your ordinary day...  sort of like taking a 5 minute vacation... 

Do you know what I am talking about? 

How can you stick your feet out the window and feel the breeze of anticipation and fun today?

Ciao,

Anne

PS G.R.A.C.E for parents of teen 5 Steps for Bringing Your Best To The Next Moment is a book that I wrote.  It will walk you through this simple process called GRACE...  We all need a little more of GRACE in our lives and it is available to all of us much more than you think!

Recipe for Bringing More Joy into Your Life

There is a short cut to increasing life satisfaction. 

And I know that for parents of teens the biggest challenge is to commit to doing it!  There is always something TO DO to keep us busy, busy, busy...  Summer is half over and what better season than this to embrace a new habit?...   

Here is an opportunity to create what you need to rejuvenate and renew so you can get up in the morning and put your little feet on the floor and do it all again with some optimism and JOY...

RECIPE FOR MORE JOY:

Stop...

Notice...

Appreciate or Savor or Cherish...

Seems silly?  Well it works.  We parents have the biggest challenge in doing step #1 STOP.  Stop does not necessarily mean pull off the road and park {though maybe it should}.  Stop can mean to just bring yourself into the awareness of this moment and immerse yourself in the moment instead of what you are Doing.

Are you ready to commit to this easy and accessible Drive Through Life Tool?

I also offer a Free Mini Course on Inviting More Joy into Your Life  When you get to my site, scroll down the right column and sign up for the Free 3 E-Courses...  Let me know how this all works for you!

Let's hear it for joy...

Ciao,

Anne

PS.  www.authentichappiness.com is also a fabulous site for research based strategies for increasing the happiness in your life!

GUILT... Occupational Hazard or Helpful Hint?

Welcome Back my friend Loren Buckner.  She is a parent, psychotherapist and author of her soon to be released parenting book.  Loren is joining us again today with the following note about parenting teens and GUILT...  You can reach my friend Loren at lorenb@tampabay.rr.com with any questions or feedback

"Kids ask for things dozens of times a day -- Can I have the car? Can I go to the party? Will you type my homework for me? Will you take me to the mall? Buy me an ipod? Or pay me to clean my room? Knowing what to say is difficult enough. But when kids don’t get what they want they really know how to crank up the pressure. Decision making under these circumstances is a delicate balancing act that often depends on your mood and how tired you are. 

Uncertainty and guilt are occupational hazards for parents. For one thing, parents know they are supposed to be consistent but consistency isn’t as easy as it sounds. Then, in addition to the everyday stress that family life creates, there are any number of unforeseen problems that cause parents to question themselves.

Doing what’s best for your kids, focusing on your job, as you also take care of your other relationships and yourself stir up guilty feelings about not being up to the awesome task of raising children. And, if guilt was used on you when you were a child, then it’s easy to fall back into talking to yourself in this same self-defeating style.

Guilt can be helpful though. When it reminds you that you said or did something that you don’t feel very good about and don’t want to do again, then guilt has a purpose. But relentlessly beating yourself up in the hope that it will make you a better parent is terribly unproductive and self-destructive. 

So, here are a few tips:

• Distinguish between the big mistakes and the little ones.
• When you make a mistake, own up, talk over whatever happened, and work toward understanding how and why things went wrong.
• Try treating any remaining guilt and self-hatred with repeated doses of forgiveness and compassion.  They are good antidotes."

Thanks, Loren!   Sometimes I feel guilt can actually age me! Great reminders that us parents are in this together and we are the best resources for each other!

Ciao,

Anne   

Crossing the LINE!... CARTOON Metaphor For Parents

Sitting at the beach watching the young parents watching their young kids gets me nostalgic AND at the same time very happy that I am not chasing little ones.  I do remember the feeling of comfort knowing I could scoop my little one up if there was a need...  Well those days are gone.

Some times, I wish I "had a handle on them" both literally and figuratively.  And then that parenting paradox kicks in with, "Hey, this is theirs to figure out." 

Remember, you can't slay anyone else's dragons...

Some questions for you to think about with parenting your teen:

• What handle am I holding that needs to be let go of?
• What handle am I holding that belongs to some one else?
• What is the worst thing that will happen if I let go?

Got two hands free at the moment and I am out of here...

Ciao,

Anne

Don't Read This Unless You Are The Parent of a Teen or Young Adult...

How many times have you heard, read, discussed the developmental stages of your child? tween? adolescent? terrible twos?  Just look at the covers of the parenting magazines!

Well, the real secret to surviving {and I mean that literally sometimes} is to look at what developmental stage YOU, the parent of a teen or young adult, are in at any given moment. 

These stages, never before revealed to the world, have been scientifically and rigorously tested with the experts...  Where?  My kitchen, of course...  the great parental laboratory. I invited 10 parents over and we chilled, chatted and basically got real honest.  There were parents of over achievers to those whose kids had been arrested, jailed and convicted...  And guess what?

All good parents and all of our concerns were so close and similar...  Any advice from me?   YES, Never be one of those parents who say, "Not my kid."

So, any way, here we go with the Developmental Stages of Loving and Letting Go of Your Teen:

#1 "Something is different."  This is the time when you get the first feeling that something has changed with your child.  It may be something as simple as you are no longer allowed in the dressing room or in the bathroom with them.  Usually, there is not much letting go going on at this point.

#2  "Oh, Really?"  And you look at them sideways with squinty eyes...This is the first wake up moment when you realize that your teen is now operating with a different rule book than you.  Most of the time they do not want you to see the title of their new rule book... This is when it starts to get interesting and you step into the paradox of "holding on and letting go".  Your teen has actively started to break away.  {And remember, that is what they are supposed to do.}

#3  "I no longer need breasts now I need balls."  Basically this is the time when you realize that You cannot be a parent and a best friend.  Their allegiances have shifted.  This happens whether your kid is on track or really far off the track...  The invincibility stage for teens gets really scary and you have to stand up in the 'parenting space' in a very different way than you ever could have imagined when you decided long ago that parenting was a good idea... Most of what you learned and practiced in the first 10- 14 years is no longer applicable.

#4  I Child Proofed My Home But Somehow They Manage To Still Get Back In"  This is the time when you feel you have done your job and you are ready for them to fly away...  They may now feel differently about this...

And be aware that this process is NOT linear.  It is more like a circle where we cycle through these stages over and over again.  For me, it helps to know not only what stage my older child is in but also where the heck I am on this Loving and Letting Go spectrum.

Do you think you will ever read these on the cover of a Parenting Magazine?

Did you ever notice that the BIG book stores have 14 cases on how to name your baby, decorate the room and throw a great birthday party and one case on parenting a teen?  Is it because we are too tired to read? or because they don't know what to say to us?  And may I add, I like being a parent...

Ciao,

Anne

PS For those who are interested in reading a 'Light approach to some heavy subjects"... You can buy my book "Keeping Your Sanity While Loving and Letting Go Of Your Teen"  And if you do it in the month of July... I will send a CD with the same name to you as a gift!

The 4 W Questions for Parents of Teens

Here is the mantra for us parents of teens...

The 4 questions that we need to keep asking... even when things are going great!

Where are you going?

Who are you going with?

What will you be doing there?

When will you be home?

Just keep on truckin', {If you are old enough to know what that means, then you are old enough to have teens}

Ciao,

Anne

Poster Seen Hanging in a Teen's Room

To All Teen Agers...

Move Out Now While You Still Know Everything...