Drive Through Parenting Wisdom

Sanity Rule #2 for Parents of Teens and Young Adults...

Keeping Your Sanity While Loving and Letting Go of Your Teen...

Humorous statement, don't you think?

#2 Letting Go Takes Courage, Hard Work and Faith... Yes, indeed it does...  I usually find that any parent of teen who does not believe this has not yet begun to let go.  We can fool ourselves into thinking we are letting go and we are really holding on with a vice-like grip. 

What if  we tried letting go when they are young AND the consequences are smaller AND they can learn from them?  What would that look like for you?  What would that feel like for them?

Can I add that letting go is also scary?  That's when the "what ifs?" kick in for me.  And there is no one right way to do it.  Letting go is different on each day, with every age and with each child.  In order for us to let go of our children, we have to let go of certain things within ourselves.  It sure feels like I am growing up too. 

Do you love them enough to watch them struggle?  It's that 'no guarantee of outcomes' thing that makes me a little nervous... 

Ask yourself these question?  Do you want permanent house guests?  What skills do they need to be independent? 

Some people believe the letting go actually starts the moment they are born...

The faith part is about keeping your eye on the big picture and praying... whatever that means to you.

Sending my best,

Anne

The"Isness" of the Parenting Business

To Vaccinate or Not Vaccinate Against HPV?

Well, there sure are lots of parents talking about the recently approved vaccine that could protect our daughters against the 4 strains of human papillomavirus {HPV}.  These viruses are believed to cause 70% of cervical cancers {about 11,000 women a year} and 90% of the cervical warts.  The CDC and American Academy of Pediatrics recommend Gardasil for girls between the ages of 9- 26.  Pediatricians have already started to give this vaccine.

My daughter will be getting it very soon.  To me, the knowns far out weigh the unknowns.  I know this is very controversial and each parent has to weigh it out for their own daughter.  But do not delay in making your decision.  These are NASTY viruses...

"Saying Yes To The Shot" by Claudia Wallis in TIME, March 19, 2007 gives a great over view of the discussion.  "Ouch!  Gardasil stings, but pondering a child's sexuality may hurt more."   I hope this article helps parents of teens and young adults to evaluate this and make the decision sooner rather than later...

Ciao,

Anne

RAD: Rape Aggression Defense Systems

Well, my daughter, her friend and I just finished a RAD course.  I was motivated to do this by the memory of that young girl who was caught on video tape being lead away- without a fight- by an abductor who then raped and murdered her. 

I wish every female would take this course.  I just watched 20 women, ages 15- 72, transform from meek and insecure into powerful, take NO crap, fighting back units.  It was an incredibly empowering experience.

Did you know that 1 in 4 females in college will be sexually assaulted? 

RAD should be required course for all women- especially young ones.  I think that 15ish is the cut off line for appropriateness.  This course is presented by the police dept. and they talk about EVERYTHING in explicit detail.  Not only do they talk but they physically role play and it can get scary. 

The best part of the course is the end where everyone sits around and eats pizza and gets to watch themselves in the video of their final test where they are attacked and SUCCESSFULLY DEFEND themselves to the cheers of the other class participants and police officers.

This course is not for the faint of heart.

Muster your courage and take a few young women with you. 

Surprise yourself!

I know I did.

Good luck Ninjas,

Anne

R is for RELEASE... What do I want to let go of?

Thank you to Jon Jolles, blooming photographer, for sneaking up and capturing this fleeting moment last autumn on vacation... 

Was that the last time I put my feet up?  My feet say , "Yes".

"If my hands are fully occupied in holding onto something, I can neither give nor receive."  Dorothee Solle

R is for RELEASE:  What do I want and need to release?

This is the second step of G.R.A.C.E. 5 Steps for Bringing Your Best To The Next Moment. 

I am in a state of overwhelm right now.  The next 3 weeks are so packed with stuff going on that I have myself scared...  And it is all good stuff...  So, here is what I want to let go of:

• That it has to be perfect
• That it is all too much
• That I have to over think it
• That it has to be hard
• That the ME reclining on the bench above is not invited
• That it is work and not fun
• That if something goes awry...  it will be disastrous
• That everything has to get done today

That's a long list...  when I go into those anxious feelings and stay with them and listen to them and learn from them...  It helps me to figure it out...  And let go of them.  Then the overwhelm goes away.  If I just keep up a frantic pace and just keep busy, it keeps me in that place where it feels out of control. 

I am going to hang that picture on the fridge so I can invite that reclining, relaxing person into the chaos.

We are planning a Sweet 16 party for my daughter...  I am going to let go of this and dance my little feet off...  How sweet it is! 

"The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time."  Abraham Lincoln

Thanks, Abe... 

Anne

Ps.  This 5 Step process is available to you to purchase in my book, G.R.A.C.E. for parents of teens- 5 Steps for Bringing Your Best To The Next Moment.  Scroll down in the left hand column of this blog to The GRACE SERIES and check it out. 

A Pile of Expectations... CARTOON

Parenting Technology Tools... Good Parenting or Spying?

"IT'S 2007  DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOURKIDS ARE?

"New Technology lets you keep track of them, read their email, even know the speed they are driving.  Is it good parenting or spying?" by Walecia Konard in Good House Keeping March 2007

This is a great article... really made me think.  We parents of teens are DINOSAURS!  And here are these technological gadgets that can be both extremely helpful and extremely damaging all at the same time.  Now you know why I do not give advice TO PARENTS OF TEENS AND YOUNG ADULTS.  Each kid and each family situation is different and requires a different response.  Much depends on family values, your child's age and what your kid is into at this moment...  And then factor in the holding on and letting go and there is just no easy answer.  Doing too much for our kids has it's ramifications and doing too little does too. 

For what it is worth, here are some of the latest technological "tools" for parents to know exist and think about:

• GPS equipped cell phones
• car tracking devices
• computer monitoring software

These may have a place in your home and you must know that all of the above also have a downside in your relationship with your child.  Weigh it all out carefully before using any of these.  Read the article because the pros and cons are laid out very nicely for you.

And the bottom line is that staying connected with your older child through building your relationship , improving communication, getting to know their friends as they are in your home often, finding ways to enjoy each others company and all the other Drive Through Life Tools that I share with you in this blog help to strengthen your relationship and build trust...  all essential to get us over those life speed bumps that we will inevitably hit on our parenting journey!  You can read these tips and strategies by scrolling down the left hand column of this site and going to CATEGORIES: Drive Through Life Tools and find some great ideas there!

Sending my best,

Anne

Ps. "Keeping Your Sanity While Loving and Letting Go of Your Teen" is a book that I wrote and highly recommend... You can buy it by scrolling down in the left hand column and going to Books Section and purchase it right here!

Allies... We all need 'em

Wow! What a photo!  Thanks to AP Photo by Achmiad Ibrahim.

This tiger cub and baby orangutan have become inseparable playmates after being abandoned by their mothers.  This photo was taken in the nursery room of the Taman Safari Zoo in Indonesia.

What unlikely allies reaching out to each other...

We all need allies... Parents of teens and young adults need allies...  This holding on and letting go stuff gets pretty confusing at times. There is no reason to do this alone.  For those parents who kids may not be making healthy choices, then allies are ESSENTIAL.  For me, I know it is time to pick up the phone and reach out to one of my many Allies when I feel isolated. 

Allies come in all shapes and sizes:

• Older parents/friends who have lived and survived this stage... can share wisdom and a bigger perspective
• Experts:  Hate to say it but there may come a time when you need to call on experts for your next move, support, education, advocacy...
• Other Parents who are living through similar experiences at the same time:  Great to get together, commiserate and LAUGH, if that is possible.
• Inspiration:  Nature, rest, rejuvenation, time away can all be allies.  We need to re-fill our energy reserves to keep up the work that is required of parenting today.
• Help your teen to connect with allies

This parenting gig requires sustainability...We are in it for the long haul.  Paradoxes show up constantly... 

What allies do you need to connect with?

That photo is something else... 

Ciao,

Anne

CNN reports: "Vanity on the Rise Among College Students"

This article from CNN is really interesting and full of implications for teens and young adults and   our parenting. "Today's college students are more narcissistic and self centered than their predecessors, according to a comprehensive study by 5 psychologists who worry that the trend could be harmful to personal relationships and American society." It is hard to accept these broad negative generalizations for an entire generation, however, I    think it is worth reading this entire article.  The psychologists who conducted this huge study said that  the upsurge is so pronounced that they are not quite sure of the remedies.

Find this article at: http://www.cnn.com/2007/EDUCATION/02/27/self.centered.students.ap/index.html "Generation Me:  Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled- and     More Miserable Than Ever Before" written by Jean Twenge said"narcissists tend to lack empathy, react aggressively to criticism and favor self promotion over helping others."  This makes me think of MySpace and all the self promotion going on there... Anyway, it has me thinking...  You might want  to check out the article. Just trying to keep us parents up to date and on our toes... Ciao, Anne