Sanity Rule #1 for Parents of Teens and Young Adults

Keeping Your Sanity, While Loving and Letting Go of Your Teen or Young Adult, Is Not Possible All The Time.

Just knowing that this period in your life and your child's life is not linear, which means it is not a straight line where you know what to expect, is a big part of staying sane.  There can be a lot of that 3 steps forward and 2 back for everyone.  But the only one in this relationship that you can control is you and your attitude.   We are aiming for bounce and resiliency.  Rather than set yourself up thinking there is one right way or that what worked the first 12 years of parenting is going to work now... stay more in the position of inquiry.  It takes hard work and conscious effort to parent teens who can appear crazy in a teen culture that has gone crazy.  The goal is for you not to let the craziness of this period be contagious so you are just as insane.

Good questions that keep me centered in the reality of these years are:

What is in my control? 

What is out of my control?

What is going right? 

How can I make an impact versus trying to control others?

Am I taking this personally?  Do I always have to win?

What do I need to learn here?

Am I modeling what I hope my child will learn?

Am I part of the problem or part of the solution?

How can I acknowledge my older child for what is going right?

Staying centered as a learner as opposed to a parent who has all the answers helps me to bounce with all the unknowns.  It helps me to stay aware that I am going to be out of my comfort zone and expect that.

And though I strive for sanity and many days achieve it... bouncing is OK with me.  It is a good thing.. because without a bounce, there is a thud.

Thud, not so good.

Sending my best to you on your parenting journey,

Anne

PS.  I have written and illustrated a book, "Keeping Your Sanity While Loving and Letting Go of Your Teen"  You can read more about it or purchase it at www.parentyourteen.com

Comments

[Kevin Wright]

Good points on the sanity thing. In raising our family during the teen years it comes down to the parents have to make sure they win on the big stuff and it's OK to let the kids win on the rest (mostly).