"Research suggests that American parents are letting go of their children too soon and are making themselves less available to their children as they grow older." Laura Stanton writes in her article for the Ohio State University Extension- Family Life Packet.
Teens need their parents to play an active though very different role than they did when their child was younger. This stage requires guidance, direction, monitoring and at times protection. Adolescent brains are still developing and they need you involved though not in a controlling way. The "holding on and letting go" phenomenon will look and feel differently for each family and for each child. "We still have a significant role in developing assets in our children and we need to continue our work into adolescence."
One of her recommendations is to:
"Set aside One-on -One Time With Your Teen" and to schedule weekly dates. Let your teen influence what you actually do together. It may not seem like fun to you but it is not about just you. One of my children went to a high school and they called this "mandatory fun". It was actually a requirement of the family to do this. It is a great way to give your undivided attention and relax away from the home, work, computer, and all the other distractions that keep us from looking in each others eyes on a daily basis. It also says, "You are important." There have been times that I have said to one of my children, "Let's just get in the car and see where it goes... just for an hour". Sometimes we would just head out for an ice cream. It does not have to be a big deal every time... the big deal is just making it happen.
Spontaneity can work but I have found that the best thing is to put yourself and your older child on the calendar... It is much more likely to happen that way.
I don't know about you but time is flying for us...
Challenge for parents of teens :
Will you go on a "date" with your teen, or at least schedule one, before the next time I post on this blog?
Make my day,
Anne
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