Drive Through Parenting Wisdom

Bosco, Willie's new neighbor, has attitude... Cartoon

 

When is HOMEWORK the enemy of our family?

Hi,

Well, We are off!  Another school year, we are in week 2 and in full swing...

I write for all parents of teens...   

There are 3 groups of parents of teens out there and they have either: 

1.  teens who did not go back to school

2.  teens are back and not doing their homework or working below their ability

3.  teens are back and doing their homework

You can probably tell from my wrinkles, grey hair and scars that I have been in all 3 groups.  All have their challenges and I send my best to those of you right now in groups 1 and 2 .

Today I am the grateful parent speaking about group 3...  the group of teens who went back and are doing their homework...

"HOMEWORK... MAY BE THE SINGLE MOST RELIABLE EXTINGUISHER OF THE FLAME OF CURIOSITY"  Alfie Kohn

When is enough, enough?  Where is that line between learning and brainless, busy work?  How can we speak up and grab some time for family connections and dialog?

TIME Magazine article by Claudia Walls entitled, "The Myth About Homework...  Think hours of slogging are helping your child make the grade? Think again" really sums it up so well.  September 4, 2006

Some facts for you from her article:

• According to a 2004 national survey of 2900 American children conducted by the University of Michigan, the amount of time spent on homework is up 51%
• Too much homework brings diminishing returns.  Cooper's {Duke University's Harris Cooper} analysis of dozens of studies found that kids who do some homework in middle school and high school score somewhat better on standardized tests, but doing more than 60-90 minutes a night in middle school and more than 2 hours in high school is associated with, gulp, lower scores.
• Teachers in many of the nations that outperform the U.S. on student achievement tests such as Japan, Denmark, and the Czech Republic- tend to assign less homework that American teachers, but instructors in low-scoring countries like Greece, Thailand and Iran tend to pile it on.

"Success on standardized tests is, of course, only one measure of learning- and only one purported goal of homework  Educators, including Cooper, tend to defend homework by saying it builds study habits, self discipline, and time management skills.  But there's also evidence that homework sours kids' attitudes towards school.  "It's one thing to say we are wasting kids' time and straining parent-kid relationships," Kohn told me, "but what's unforgivable is if homework is damaging our kids interest in learning, undermining their curiosity."

Some middle of the road suggestions from this article include:

• a nightly limit on homework
• a policy of no homework over vacations
• no more than 2 major tests a week
• no Monday tests

Maybe I am just tantrum ming about summer being over and those long, lazy, hazy days are just a memory... 

Or maybe it is time to sit up and pay attention and speak up...

I write all this with gratitude that my high schooler is in there and working hard...

Something to think about,

Anne

Book Recommendation: "My Space Unraveled... A Parent's Guide To Teen Social Networking"

I walked into the room the other day and my daughter was watching TV, text messaging and talking on the phone...  They never seem to do one thing at a time...

We parents are now being referred to in the media as digital immigrants and our teens are digital natives.  These terms are describing our evolutionary standing with technology today.  This generation of kids, our teens, are the first generation who have grown up with computers and the Internet as an integral part of their lives-  It is their land and they do not know life without it... 

We parents, the immigrants, are always working hard to keep up and learn about this stuff and still for me, feeling so consciously incompetent.

I don't often ask either of my children for help when I am stymied on the computer because when they help me they do it so fast that I can't follow.  It is just second nature to them and to me it feels like I am in second grade again.  And I am probably one of the more savvy of the people I know because I am blogging to you now...

We cannot afford to stay in the dark about the computer and technology today because it is radically altering our teenager's lives, activities, decisions and futures.  Here is a great book that will allow you to learn in a very practical, easy to read manner, fast and non-threatening way. 

My Space Unraveled... A Parent's Guide To Teen Social Networking              by the Director's of BlogSafety.com

I love this little book.  I love the metaphor they use of "MySpace is the new burger joint, only infinitely bigger and more diverse.  The same stuff is going on.  But instead of one or two social groups, there are thousands, and instead of an ignored group of parents in the back corner there are millions, both on MySpace and looking in on it."  I spent a lot of time hanging out at a local burger joint in my teens so I get that part... it is the millions of others that should be getting the attention of parents.  It is so worth it to read this book and understand the world that your older child lives in.  It is not all bad and there are things that you can do but you need to learn and pay attention to it.  This book can help you to do that.

Sprinkled throughout the book are KEY PARENTING POINTS.  These are so helpful.  They put it within my reach.  This book seems to stress the difference between influencing and communicating with your older child versus controlling them.  I feel like the authors really know teens and their digital habits and lives which are often invisible to us parents.

When I ask my husband for help on the computer, he panics.  We are slowly learning together.  We are foreigners in this new land.  This is my WAKE UP CALL to parents of teen everywhere!  We cannot afford to panic, deny or ignore the Internet.  Our teens are living on it and with it- often with no negative repercussions or activity.  However, it is time to sit up and pay attention to it.  I know how busy parent's lives are today.  I can hear you now, "I cannot put one more thing on my plate!" 

Take a peek at this book.  It is a keeper on my book shelf.

Find a reason to laugh today,

Anne

PS. For those curious parents, you can get more answers to your questions at this book author's blog www.blogsafety.com  {A blog is short for weblog and all that means is a web site where you can interact and comment and get feedback.}

A Funny Bumper Sticker...

I child-proofed my house...

but somehow they still can get back in!

Where can I get one of those?   

The ultimate loving and letting go of your teen joke!

How can this give you some perspective on some of your struggles with your teen?

Find a reason to laugh... often,

Anne

Watching Hearts Get Broken

Hello,

Fall is charging at us...  There are leaves falling off my neighbor's tree!  What a nerve! I wish they would wait until summer is officially over on September 21 and then they can fall.  Somehow summer seems to end on the first day of school which robs us of a few precious weeks of this delicious season and feeling.  And, we have that totally stupid rule about not wearing white clothes after Labor Day.  That's interesting- we all got into this parenting thing because of Labor Day of a different nature but all so tied in, don't you think?  We should make Labor Day really be about the parenting kind of labor and delivery because for me as a parent Labor Day is so tied into my kids life and their schedule.  On one hand it brings great relief to at least know where they are {at least I hope so} being very productive for a portion of their day in school and sports and work.  However,their schedule brings new confinement and obligations to my day.

My energy changes after Labor Day.  No one swims in the pool or even mentions going to the beach even if it is 100 degrees.  I am no longer on the look out for a relaxing book to read.  The calendar becomes the most important and most looked at document in the house.  I cannot bring myself to look at all those fall clothes in the stores.  Their serious colors just remind me of how much work it is to gear up again for this school year for all of us.

That is what I feel about Labor Day and the changing of the seasons.  I have a different energy, different perspective and it really is all about Labor.  It gets me a little anxious.

There is plenty of anxiety to go around.  One of my children tried out for a competitive sport.  Tryouts have been grueling for the last week.  I naively showed up the last day a little early to pick her up.  This was the day of decision- as in, did you make the team or not?  I was standing with a small group of parents chatting and I noticed practice had stopped and the coach was digging out THE ENVELOPES.  She walked  to the front of the group of nervous and anxious faces awaiting this moment.  One of the mothers I was with said, "I can't watch this" and she jogged to her car.  I was surprised but it didn't take me long to see why she fled for some privacy.  I couldn't hear the coaches words but the emotion hung in the air and it made it hard to breathe.  After receiving THE ENVELOPE some of the girls got up and walked away, not opening them.  Most ripped them open and the tears flowed- tears of agony for those not chosen and tears of joy from those who made it.  My tears flowed with both a broken heart for the girls who didn't make it...  And selfishly for the joy that my daughter did make it. 

Labor Day, it can seem a bit like Torture Day.  Is there a better way?  Now I know why Radio Shack chose this week to lay off 400 employees in an email.  It went something like, "Hi- You are no longer needed and you have 30 minutes to vacate the premises."  At least these sports coaches had the courage and decency to deliver the pain in person- with empathy.

Labor Day, so rightly named...  We take it for granted what it takes for our teens to get back in their game too.  Labor Day...  It is going to help with the anxiety in this home when I can remember to walk in the shoes of my kids as I remember all the try outs required of our teens everyday!  It is a tough world out there.

Hope this wasn't too heavy. 

Anne