Drive Through Parenting Wisdom

H.A.L.T. What's up with me?

Do you ever feel sort of off and can't quite put your finger on why?  Well, if you don't know why then how can you put a solution in place? 

I have used this time tested wisdom from the universe for years to figure out the antidote to my grouchiness or low energy...  It has proved very useful for my kids to learn and use for themselves also...

Here it is:

H.A.L.T.   

        Stop and ask yourself,

                Am I:

           Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?

And it is that simple...  Most of the time our moods can be elevated if we can clarify where our energy drain is coming from...  Then and only then can we do something about it.

Using lots of H.A.L.T. here to move me through this end of summer transition- back to the routine of work and school...

Hanging in there with you,

Anne

C is for Challenge... Mother Hen leaves chick in distress

I know my dog Willie's barks...  He does this really high pitch, short Yip when he is asking for help.  It is almost like the beep on your cell phone alerting you to a missed call.

I hear that same beep from my kids... that same Yip... which alerts me to their distress.

I recently dropped my daughter off at a sports camp to a less than ideal roommate/ suite situation.  Her friends from her team were in other rooms down the hall.  And she was randomly placed as a single in a suite with a group of girls from another town who all came together as a tight knit team... Yip!  My daughter felt very uncomfortable.  The time came where I had to leave and I alone could hear the high pitched sound. 

So, Mother Hen flies into action and begins to peck away at the situation. 

The first thing I ask myself is, "Is she in danger?"  Answer, "No".

Some of the other Moms must have heard the Yip and starting pecking around the problem...  "Should we move the mattresses down the hall?"  "Are you going to have her room moved?"  "I will speak to these girls and let them know to include her."...

So, I ask my daughter, "Do you need any assistance from me with this?"

And then I heard the words that every parent longs to hear, "I don't want any help, I'll handle it."

All the clucking stops and we look at her not sure if we could believe those words or if she really believed those words.  But, in the language of loving and letting go, I said, " OK, I know you can figure this out.  Good luck with it.  Bye, I am going now."  I gave her a kiss and forced my chicken butt out the door and out of the building leaving my chick in distress.  I had to put the metaphorical tape around my beak and walk away to the high pitch Yip in my ears.

So difficult and so necessary...  I left my chick in distress AND she figured it out.... not perfect solutions but she stayed with the discomfort and engaged in the camp experience. 

Two days later, we had to pick her up to bring her to the Emergency Room for an x-ray of her wrist to see if there was a broken bone from a crack with a stick during a scrimmage.  Then back to camp with a bruised wrist in a splint because she did not want to miss her game.  And on the last day of camp she called and said, "I have a bruise under my eye but the trainer does not think my cheek bone is broken-  I just wanted to give you a heads up."

"Thanks".  We Mother Hens need time to take in these bruised faces, taped wrists and... be cool.

Her "bouncing" and figuring this stuff out on her own allows her own capable, competent voice to be heard more frequently above any high pitch yelp that turns my head and kicks me into doing the Mother Hen Barnyard Jig of figuring it out for them when it is really time to let go.  All so hard, so challenging and just as important as any field hockey drills...

Buzz Off and Leave Me Alone...

Hi,

I just returned from a big Buzz Off and Leave Me Alone... {I wrote a poem just for you detailing this Drive Through Tool and it follows.}

I looked at my schedule and my daughters schedule and saw the impending summers end AND decided to go on a retreat with my daughter.  So ,we just blew everything off for 3 days and went to Kripalu for a Rest and Recuperation Retreat.  Kripalu is a yoga center in Western Massachusetts...  We had a great adventure.  More on our adventures later because I want you to

LOOK at your schedule and see if you can "DEFRAG" before the end of the summer....

{Defragmentation or DEFRAG is maintenance we all have to do to our computers to reorganize and condense info so the computer is refreshed and can work more efficiently...  Be as nice to ourselves as we are to our computers?  Let's try it!}

DEFRAGMENTATION

I really want a day,

Where no one can find me.

Where all I say is, "Whatever".

Put all else behind me.

I really want to be clueless.

Put my brain on hold.

Being very uninformed

Feels so very bold.

So, don't go calling my name.

The paper is out of the fax.

My cell phone is turned off.

It's my turn to relax.

Don't you go and email me.

Or beep me or knock on the door.

I taped up my mailbox.

Sitting, breathing and blinking is what this day is for.

So, if something should arise,

Be my guest and pick that bone.

I'm hanging this sign from my nose...

"Buzz off and leave me alone."

{If you would like to keep this image as a reminder to others... then go to http://www.cafepress.com/annejolles and you can now order this popular image on an oversized coffee mug!}

You know you are in the parenthood club when...

Your kids get sick and you make them some delicious homemade chicken soup

AND

When you get sick you have to make the chicken soup for yourself...

PS. Please read 'About Me' in the right column of the blog and you will find my Drive Through Chicken Soup Recipe for Parents of Teens-  It can't be beat. 

Got your back!

Think... in the box!

Hello,

Recent quotes from parents of teens:

• "The only ballroom dancing I do is with my vacuum."
• "It is so hard to do anything with my sons sports schedule."
• "Where do you get all your energy?  All I do is carpool and work."
• "I can't think with all that is going on in my home and that is on a good day!"

And they say, "Think and play and create... OUT OF THE BOX!"

And, for me, at this moment and stage as a parent...  I am in the box!

I got a box... I am a parent and all that is good but I got a box and I am in it. 

My goal is to find and create the limitlessness within my box.

Some days, metaphorically, I might have to use a ladder over the side of the box.  Other days I might have to cut a hole in the side and others it might be about changing the interior of the box...

I believe there are limitless possibilities within my box.  My box is not a bad place... on most days.

Here is the parent of teen in the box challenge:

How do I stand in this time rush, the family responsibility crush, the work load push

AND be in the present with all of it

AND create my future?

This Blog comes to you from inside the box...

Anne

Who would have ever thought I'd be bloggin' about all of this to you?

The Fabulously Farting, Flowing Foxtrotter

Hi,

Here's another Heart Rockin' Person that I want to share with you... 

We arrived early to our dance lesson and there weren't many on the dance floor.  You can bet we weren't going to be one of the first ones out there because we can't dance!   We were putting on our shoes and feeling very clumsy and uncomfortable...

When was it going to feel like we could dance?  When was it going to feel like a flow and not a counting march where we wrestle for the lead?  When would my toes be safe from being crushed?  When is this going to be more fun than work?

I noticed a very large woman also putting on her dancing shoes.  When I feel awkward, I often look around for someone who feels more goofy than me.  I thought I had found her until her dancing slippers hit the floor.  Now here was a dancer.  This was no novice.  It was almost like watching a penguin swim.  She was in her element and she and her partner looked simply fabulous.  Have you ever heard a swimmer say they have to find their water?  Well, they had found their water.  Many heads turned to enjoy what we all were striving for.   This couple ended one fantastic swirling turn with a slight dip backwards as she extended one leg up and let out the biggest fart that I have ever heard.  There was no mistaking this for background music and there was no dog to blame this winner on...  The music seemed to stopped as everyone held their breath, jaws dropped open, eyes bulged... 

...AND SHE DANCED ON.  NO SKIPPING A BEAT, BLINKING AN EYE OR BLUSHING...  SHE DANCED ON...

She is my hero.  When she gets up on the floor, she owns it.  Her recovery was more spectacular to me than any of her other dance steps.  I call that bounce... When she hit that fart bump in her road, we didn't hear a crash.  We heard the next beat of the music and saw the next step of her foxtrot as she glided back into the water...

WE ALL NEED TO LEARN TO KEEP DANCING AFTER A BIG FART...

Where is fear of farting keeping you from dancing?

My husband and I went dancing last night.  We were one of the first ones on the dance floor...  That fabulous farting image keeps it all in perspective for me...

Ciao,

Anne

Family Vacation... The Plunge

This was not going to be another fish story... 

        You know the kind where people say, "I caught a fish this big!"  And everyone looks and says, "Yeah, right."

There would be no jumping off any bridges without digital proof. 

AND, that fabulous vision in orange is me taking the plunge for parents of teens world wide!  I did it...  I jumped off the bridge, not just once but 5 times... and I loved it.  It was that world wide intention that I stated in this blog that got me to that splintery, wooden edge peering over into the blue water searching for anything that might bite off my limb. {Also notice the poor unsuspecting child to my left who I decided any shark swimming by would find much more appetizing than me... he was the unsuspecting bait.}

This famous bridge is on Martha's Vineyard and it is in the movie JAWS.  Do you remember the scene, "The shark's in the pond!"? This movie celebrated it's 30 year anniversary last year!   Where were you when you saw that movie?  I was in college and my life has not been the same since.  We do not have to talk about me still occasionally hearing the music, 'boom','boom', 'boom', 'boom' even in the shower.

Check out the demographics of the jumpers on the bridge.  It was mostly parents of older children and teens jumping into the water...  I should really refine that to say almost exclusively Dads and their kids...  and then there was me.  Well, after one jump, I started talking to other mothers who were the self appointed designated photographers on the rocks on the jetty.  They were cheering me on and I asked them why they weren't jumping?  Well, I got 3 moms to jump with me and only one who declined stating a serious lack of courage. 

I went from being the biggest chicken on the bridge to " jumping off the bridge for your first time" coach.  And I realize that is what I do every day of my parenting and professional life! 

I use to jump off a bridge at Merrymount Beach regularly when I was a kid.  It was just something that we did.  It never bothered me and it certainly never came on the radar screen for something for my parents to worry about!  Everyone did it.  So what has changed in me?  What trend do I need to work against? 

Parents of teens... Hear this!  We have to fight this erosion of our will to try new and different things, fear of jumping off the bridge stuff...  It sneaks up on us and we don't even realize it because we are too busy and challenged keeping so many balls in the air.  If we do not work on expanding ourselves and also focus our energies on the big picture, we will shrivel up into a multi tasking, ball of boredom.  I 'll take being eaten by a shark to that any day.

If someone were to hold your hand , what edge would you peek over?

{If you are interested in a, "First Time Bridge Jumpers Weekend" , let me know... there is potential retreat hidden in that picture.}

More on the bridge adventures later!

Jumping alongside you,

Anne

A is for Acknowlegdement

"Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgment of the facts of a situation then deciding what to do about it."  Kathleen Casey Theisen

Well, "Poop or get off the pot."..."Time to pull the trigger."..."Just go ahead and do it!"...

Are there any other catchy slogans that I can think of to get me into action?  To get me to do what I think I should be doing if I were not so lazy?

Did you hear that?  That was a story or a lie that I tell myself to force myself to keep working.  I am about the unlaziest person I know.  The truth is I am working really hard, I've honed my message and brand, I've done my homework and now I am ready to institute the other pieces of my business.  It all takes time and patience.  I am exactly where I am supposed to be...  It sure seems slow and patience is not my strong point.

And the emotions behind those words are: I am scared; afraid of failing, overwhelmed with details.

I find I step into those convenient 'take out the stick and hit them over the head' slogans with my children also.  They usually start with, "You should..." or "When are you going to..." or "Get up and _____ now."  And sometimes that is appropriate and what is called for and sometimes not.  All those beginnings contain the story , I know better than you do.  All those stories that I use to kick myself to get going, I hear myself using with my children.  The good old parental double whammy.

How does that help them to find their own voice?  How will they learn from their errors or their successes if it is my command that directed them?  How do those slogans work to make me feel better and have little to do with the bigger picture?   It is agenda, my schedule, my solutions and their responsibilities?

I stop and listen to myself, to the slogan or story that is driving my actions, as I spew words to myself and others.  This is acknowledgment.  I am looking at and listening to me.

From that place of inquiry, I can clearly see and hear what emotion is behind the slogan.  And, from there I can make choices.

"Plant you now, dig you later" { I thought I would end with a good '70ish slogan for all of you parents of teens}

Anne